Project: Space Wagon

[D_Eclipse9916]

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I am resigned to displaying my poverty status grey headliner with pride.

    Yeahhhhhhhhh I looked up what needs to happen to replace the battery on these things if I were to replace it with a lightweight battery.  WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF  Thanks BMW for making Land Rover resets look like a walk in the park.  Hope you aren't replacing your battery anytime soon....

Procedure to register new battery using INPA:

Step 1: select BODY from the left hand pop-up menu
Step 2: select POWER MODULE in the right hand list
Step 3: select ACTIVATE from the next menu
Step 4: Select ACTIVATE2 from the next menu
Step 5: Then select F7 - Register battery replacement. Almost instantly you get the message: "Register battery replacement Activated properly."

And if INPA doesn't work: 
In that case you open up Toolset 32 (under EDIABAS folder):
1. Open MSD80.prg
2. Look up steuern_batterietausch_registri. (near bottom of job list)
3. Go to Jobs menu
4. Select Run Job

(May alternatively be under MSV70 or MSV80.prg)

Also, and this is important: 
THIS IS ONLY FOR REGISTERING AN OEM BATTERY FROM BMW! Alternate replacements will need additional coding to match voltage etc differences

[.RJ]

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻



I am resigned to displaying my poverty status grey headliner with pride.

 

Also, and this is important: 
THIS IS ONLY FOR REGISTERING AN OEM BATTERY FROM BMW! Alternate replacements will need additional coding to match voltage etc differences

Yes, because it will change the charging voltage based on load/battery health/type/etc to eke out that last .01MPG from alternator drag.  But hey, at least it doesn't have TWO water cooled alternators, so... progress?

And for the rest of you that dont have propeller induced Stockholm Syndrome yet, be careful when removing the battery because you dont want to set off the pyrotechnic link on the positive terminal.  Yes, if you get into an accident that deploys the airbags it explosively blows off the connection to the positive terminal on the battery.

I DIY'd everything on my Audi to a fault, but, this thing... it is going to Auto Scandia for regular maintenance. Sorry, just not worth the headaches.

[ViPER1313]

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻



I am resigned to displaying my poverty status grey headliner with pride.

 

Also, and this is important: 
THIS IS ONLY FOR REGISTERING AN OEM BATTERY FROM BMW! Alternate replacements will need additional coding to match voltage etc differences

Yes, because it will change the charging voltage based on load/battery health/type/etc to eke out that last .01MPG from alternator drag.  But hey, at least it doesn't have TWO water cooled alternators, so... progress?

And for the rest of you that dont have propeller induced Stockholm Syndrome yet, be careful when removing the battery because you dont want to set off the pyrotechnic link on the positive terminal.  Yes, if you get into an accident that deploys the airbags it explosively blows off the connection to the positive terminal on the battery.

I DIY'd everything on my Audi to a fault, but, this thing... it is going to Auto Scandia for regular maintenance. Sorry, just not worth the headaches.

That is the most asinine thing I have ever heard of. I imagine the design session went something like this:

Hans: Hey, we need to make sure in the event of an accident we cut power to the car’s electronics.
Franz: OK, wire in an inertia switch.
Hans: That is entirely too plebeian Hans. People in Taurus’s have those; this is BMW! Do we have anything more complicated?
Franz: Well, I guess we could design a pyrotechnic link that blows when the airbag deploys.
Hans: Fucking brilliant my man!

[.RJ]

Remember, the oldest of these cars is 10+ years old, which means the tech/design is nearly 15.

Imagine how bad the new shit is.

[JustinG]

Yea....I don't want one of these anymore.

[Jake]

In that case you open up Toolset 32 (under EDIABAS folder):

Oh yes, the EDIABAS folder. Just where I'd think to find something about a battery.

[.RJ]

Yea....I don't want one of these anymore.

See, I knew you couldnt handle it.

Look, its the last of the nice to drive 3-pedal wagons.  Deal with it and just buy one already.  

And, since they sold approximately 917 million of these damn things on lease, parts are reasonably cheap, they're easy to work on mechanically, the N52 is damn near bulletproof and any of this coding nonsense, well, deal with it yourself (INPA) or there's a guy that will do it all for you remotely (Bimmergeeks).  It goes down the road pretty nice too.

---

In that case you open up Toolset 32 (under EDIABAS folder):

Oh yes, the EDIABAS folder. Just where I'd think to find something about a battery.

[ScottyB]

propeller induced Stockholm Syndrome

Deal with it and just buy one already

this man is sick and may be contagious. don't make direct eye contact or click any of his links until the fever passes.

today i learned BMW's solution to a switch is to install an M80 instead. thanks, i'm good over here in the land of cars that were built by normal humans

[.RJ]

I'm afraid its terminal. The virus has consumed the host.

[ViPER1313]

Also Tool32 is real easy to use, at least if you are fluent in German. I am pretty far down this rabbit hole right now with the E34; not simple.

[WRXtranceformed]

BMW: When Life Just Isn't Hard Enough

[.RJ]

BMW:  When you cant afford a CPO Jaguar

FTFY

[Apoc]

I lol'd.

[WRXtranceformed]

BMW:  When you cant afford a CPO Jaguar

FTFY

I mean, you did have a perfectly fine Audi that didn't require nuclear codes and an electrical engineering degree to work on.  Just sayine

[.RJ]

Yeah, it just kept pissing all of its fluids out.

[.RJ]

Occasional stumble on low rpm (2-3k rpm), low throttle accel in 2nd/3rd and steady state cruise on highway in 5th/6th. The annoying thing is that its not very repeatable. Coil packs and plugs time, I think, parts ordered. Car is a 68k miles. Given my low desire to work on shit in the winter and lack of garage space, I will trade my time for throwing parts at the car that may not be needed.

I dug into the depths of the internet and occasionally the MAF, vanos, and valvetronic sensors either go bad or their seals fail and they cake with grime but I'm going with occam's razor here. It looks like I should probably clean my vanos solenoids, easy to do with the engine cover off. The MAF is $300 for an OE part so I'm not inclined to do that, but looks like they do fail.

[Apoc]

I get a similar thing in 2nd around the same RPM, except mine is during hard acceleration. I've had two shops try and repro the issue with no success. I'm even less inclined to do shit than you, so I just deal with it.

[D_Eclipse9916]

Occasional stumble on low rpm (2-3k rpm), low throttle accel in 2nd/3rd and steady state cruise on highway in 5th/6th.  The annoying thing is that its not very repeatable.  Coil packs and plugs time, I think, parts ordered.  Car is a 68k miles.  Given my low desire to work on shit in the winter and lack of garage space, I will trade my time for throwing parts at the car that may not be needed.  

I dug into the depths of the internet and occasionally the MAF, vanos, and valvetronic sensors either go bad or their seals fail and they cake with grime but I'm going with occam's razor here.  It looks like I should probably clean my vanos solenoids, easy to do with the engine cover off.  The MAF is $300 for an OE part so I'm not inclined to do that, but looks like they do fail.

I have a super unheated garage and I owe you.  

Can also clean the MAF with MAF cleaner but I have never fixed an issue doing that 

[.RJ]

Occasional stumble on low rpm (2-3k rpm), low throttle accel in 2nd/3rd and steady state cruise on highway in 5th/6th.  The annoying thing is that its not very repeatable.  Coil packs and plugs time, I think, parts ordered.  Car is a 68k miles.  Given my low desire to work on shit in the winter and lack of garage space, I will trade my time for throwing parts at the car that may not be needed.  

I dug into the depths of the internet and occasionally the MAF, vanos, and valvetronic sensors either go bad or their seals fail and they cake with grime but I'm going with occam's razor here.  It looks like I should probably clean my vanos solenoids, easy to do with the engine cover off.  The MAF is $300 for an OE part so I'm not inclined to do that, but looks like they do fail.

I have a super unheated garage and I owe you.  

Can also clean the MAF with MAF cleaner but I have never fixed an issue doing that 

yasssssss

[*insertusernamehere*]

Occasional stumble on low rpm (2-3k rpm), low throttle accel in 2nd/3rd and steady state cruise on highway in 5th/6th.  The annoying thing is that its not very repeatable.  Coil packs and plugs time, I think, parts ordered.  Car is a 68k miles.  Given my low desire to work on shit in the winter and lack of garage space, I will trade my time for throwing parts at the car that may not be needed.  

I dug into the depths of the internet and occasionally the MAF, vanos, and valvetronic sensors either go bad or their seals fail and they cake with grime but I'm going with occam's razor here.  It looks like I should probably clean my vanos solenoids, easy to do with the engine cover off.  The MAF is $300 for an OE part so I'm not inclined to do that, but looks like they do fail.

I have a super unheated garage and I owe you.  

Can also clean the MAF with MAF cleaner but I have never fixed an issue doing that 

Like honestly, who has cleaning it ever worked for? lol