04-17-2014, 03:05 PM
CaptainHenreh Wrote:Step 1: Rent a park. Yes, an outdoor wedding. Rain is good luck, and if the people love you, they'll catcall your kiss rain or shine. And if they don't fuck 'em.
Step 2: Keep your ceremony short. Recite personal, heartfelt vows, and mean them.
Step 3: Immediately after ceremony, send your guests away to the other side of the park where there is kegs of cold beer and a hundred bottles of cold, inexpensive (but not shitty) wine. Don't tell me there's no such thing. Just get something this side of boones farm and make sure there's plenty. Food should start cooking at this point, so it'll be done and ready to serve the minute you guys get done with your pictures.
Step 4: Take your goddam pictures, and take as long as you like. Find someone who, again, cares about you to take them. Your guests, who are there because they love you, are getting shitfaced. And if they don't love you during the ceremony, they'll sure as shit love you 4 beers in. And if they still don't, fuck 'em.
Step 5: Have fun. I firmly believe that having the very first minute of your marriage be a somber, dull, stiff necked affair is going to set the tone for the rest of that institution. You're making a promise before The Almighty God or Krishna or Allah or the Cold Vastness of Space that during the rest of that tiny ephemeral spark that is our lives you'll love and laugh and labor with that other person...how do you want to spend that time? Dour and lemonfaced or laughing and singing and dancing and loving?
Pretty much sums up my wedding.
Except replace park with Church and otherside of park with community center.