Delivery Driver's in MM?

[SlimKlim]

You will pick up a whole lot of interesting stories if you end up doing it though. Man I saw some weird/awesome/hilarious shit.

go on...

Well to build on what Ryan said, on quite a few occasions people threatened to rob me. I carried a pocket knife with me, which is far from the best self defense weapon, but figured if I ever ended up getting shot/jumped/stabbed the least I could do was try to inflict a little of my own damage on my way out. Lots of guys carried handguns, but they weren't supposed to. If I had to do it again, I'd at least carry a taser.

And just a general tip, if you're ever struck by an urge to be a shitty human being, don't take it out on a delivery driver. He's probably armed and at the end of his rope. One guy I knew was making a delivery in the winter and some drunken asshole winged a huge chunk of ice right at his face. It went right by his head and smashed on his truck. He walked over and said "Did you just throw that ice at me?" "Yeah, what the fuck are you-gckkk" He rocked him so hard in the face he broke his pinky finger.

One afternoon when I had just started a shift I picked up the phone and the guy said "If you can get my order to the Duke Dog on campus in 5 minutes I'll tip you $10." I barked his order at the guys on the line, filled up his drink, grabbed the sandwich, sprinted to the car, caught the green light across Port and had his order in his hand in 3-4 minutes. He made good on his tip too.

Once I knocked on the door at 2 or 3 in the morning, and I swear to God they must've been Swedish foreign exchange volleyball players. Two six-foot-tall blondes answered the door in t-shirts and panties. I almost forgot why I was there.

As I mentioned, people constantly threaten you for one reason or another. One time I made a delivery on campus and some shitfaced meathead freshmen were begging me for a ride back to the JJ store. I explained that I would, but it's against the rules, and if they see people getting out of my car, I'll get fired. Meathead #1, says "Well how about we just steal your car?" "Go ahead and fucking try it" I say ...driving away. I make my next delivery and go back to the store, and hey wouldn't you know, the meathead posse is hunkered over a table making a huge fucking mess. I grab the manager and explained what happened, and we kicked the little fuckers out and blacklisted them.

Another time I did a 12-hour shift on block party weekend and on my first fucking delivery some dicknose yells for his roommate to bring the money, then looks me up and down and says "What if I just fucking took the food?" "Yeah, what if you did?" Awkward staring contest ensues and roommate finally shows up with the cash. That was probably the closest I got to actually being robbed, because both of them were enormous and could've kicked the shit out of me... but it probably occurred to him that I knew where he lived.

I guess wasted people see yellow + thing on top of the car = taxi? People tried to get in the car all the fucking time, sometimes they'd actually get the door open and I'd have to literally pry their grimy drunken fingers off the car so I could drive away. Some poor bastard in Stone Gate couldn't even stand up without the car for balance, but it wasn't my problem. I just drove away and let the door close itself.

Everyone wanted a ride, and I'd usually decline because it was against the rules, but if they were paying or seemed legitimately desperate I usually would. Drove several completely shithoused freshman and sophomore girls who were lost in the middle of nowhere at 4:30 AM back to their dorms. One time I squeezed 4 freshman girls and 2 dudes into the M3 because they were wandering around Fox Hill thinking it was Forest Hills.

We used to deliver to the hospital all the time, especially the old one. JMU kids can't hold their liquor for shit. Couldn't believe the number of kids I'd see in there due to drinking or drinking related wounds.

4:00-5:00 AM in Harrisonburg was a glorious, magical time. 95% of the partiers had tapped out, all the stoplights went to flashing yellows, and I think the cops were on a shift change. That was usually our last hour for deliveries and we made Port Republic our bitch. Even if cops were out, the delivery toppers seemed to buy us a lot of wiggle room, and no one ever bothered me for slightly excessive speeding or illegal parking, especially that late.

Anyway, that's most of the stuff I can remember. Definitely an interesting job as far as part-time college gigs go, you end up feeling like a sober moderator for every situation you walk into, which is usually some hookup getting started in the stairwell at Stone Gate you know wouldn't be happening if one of them could see straight.

If you end up doing it, have your wits about you. Don't take any bullshit, but don't get yourself shot over a sandwich. If some fucknuckle actually robs you at gun point just give him the goddamn food. Also, have a friend/roommate that has a snow capable vehicle. If you're the one guy who can make deliveries in a snowstorm you'll make out like a bandit. Ken and I cashed in on that one with the Ralliart several times.