Rental Car Ruckus 2: Electric Boogaloo

[Apoc]

More importantly Lee, is there enough room to get it on in the front seat?

[.RJ]

$30k and up... really expensive for a 4 cylinder, FWD buick lookalike... ouch.

[WRXtranceformed]

@ Apoc - I wouldn't think so...maybe for some road head, but with no tinted windows and the heavy traffic we drove to and from in I didn't risk it :lol:

@ RJ - No kidding, that would be one of the big reasons why I wouldn't consider one for my family. My car brand new is probably a hair cheaper than one of those fully optioned out, and I would take the TL-S ALL day long.

[Mike]

the base cc is a bit of a turd compared to the nice models (very different interiors/fit and finish), but then as rj said, you're looking at a pretty expensive 4-banger.

vw is getting into the affordable car market... and then of course you can option up to something pretty damned nice. i think the new jetta starts at 17 or something? you could easily option up to 30. interesting tactics to become the #1 carmaker in the world as they hoped to do by.... 2015?

[Apoc]

Everything I've read about the Jetta says the lower price point/segment is VERY obvious when you drive the thing. Of course the average consumer just thinks "OMG so cheap!"

[Mike]

yeah, i think the first car they intro'd the budget mindset on was the base cc, except they didn't price it that way

[Jeff]

Hmm. "It sorta sucks and its priced high, but I can see what they are trying to do." Why is this sorta thing OK when VW does it but not ok when other car makers do it? I feel like if this was some other car maker there would be much more hate but VW gets a pass.

[CaptainHenreh]

I would actually have like to have seen a rental car ruckus on a Genesis.

[Apoc]

Hmm. "It sorta sucks and its priced high, but I can see what they are trying to do." Why is this sorta thing OK when VW does it but not ok when other car makers do it? I feel like if this was some other car maker there would be much more hate but VW gets a pass.

A for effort?

[Mike]

Hmm. "It sorta sucks and its priced high, but I can see what they are trying to do." Why is this sorta thing OK when VW does it but not ok when other car makers do it? I feel like if this was some other car maker there would be much more hate but VW gets a pass.

because they haven't been a complete failure of a company for a couple of decades? and they're doing it the opposite way... not going from making junk to one day saying "oh, now we make nice cars!" they went from making nice cars, and now they're trying to tap into a lower-end market.

[CaptainHenreh]

Hmm. "It sorta sucks and its priced high, but I can see what they are trying to do." Why is this sorta thing OK when VW does it but not ok when other car makers do it? I feel like if this was some other car maker there would be much more hate but VW gets a pass.

[Jeff]

Hmm. "It sorta sucks and its priced high, but I can see what they are trying to do." Why is this sorta thing OK when VW does it but not ok when other car makers do it? I feel like if this was some other car maker there would be much more hate but VW gets a pass.

?

[CaptainHenreh]

So I went on vacation, yeah? Sunny mutha fuckin' florida:
White sands:


Fuckin' sailboats:


Minigolf Gators like a bawse:


Did I mention sunsets? Because sunsets...:


"But Rex, how you see sunsets over the water on the east coast?" Well Mr. Think-You're-Einstein, Florida is like honeybadger, it just doesn't give a shit about your earth rotation. It's also got two coastlines.

Yeah, I know you're jelly, but what's this got to do with rentals, you ask? I'll tell you:


BEHOLD! My "Hyundai Accent or Similar"! Got to Tampa International, went straight to the budget counter, and started spittin' game at the hottie behind the desk. Yeah on my 6 year anniversary, because that's how I roll, you punk bitches understand? "Oh it's your anniversary? 6 years? Congratulations! Let me see if I can get you something better than this Compact." Yeah, she wants it. The Big Rex. See it from SPACE. "How would your wife feel about something...sporty?" She breathes, voice husky and dark, eyebrows raised, lips parted. Awwww yeaaaaaah. "So that'll be only 15 dollars extra a day?" *record scratch* Say what? Ok fine, whatever.

So for that whole week, I drove a almost brandy new V6 Mustang, equipped with (presumably) the finest automatic transmission Ford has to offer.

I'm...not a fan. We'll start with the greenhouse. It's the same as the V8 I drove, obviously, and it had little blindspot mirrors in the corners which was nice. Because it has blindspots the size of delaware. Seriously, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SEE OUT OF THIS THING? I'm clearly spoiled, I must drive fucking fishbowls because this thing makes me feel like I'm in a goddamn bathysphere. (look it up) That's complaint #1. It's exacerbated by complaint #2, which is as follows:

THIS THING IS FUCKING ENORMOUS.

Seriously. When you go to park, you're less "in the driver's seat" and more "at the helm", calling for the starboard tugs to "keep her steady" as you try to dock at the Circle K. I need both hands to count the number of times I had to pull further into the space after parking and getting out, to find my ass end halfway in the road. Combine that with the big-ass doors (or more appropriately, egress terminals) and you might as well just park on the back half of the lot like a douche.

#3: The rear seats. This is the first time I really considered the rear seats, but they're pretty bad. Zero legroom, zero headroom, zero hiproom. Since it was just the two of us (no Budget Counter Slut, sorry) there was no real need for them, but they're just a ridiculous afterthought. I've been thinking of how to describe them, and I think they're like le butthole during le buttsechs: Tight, uncomfortable, clearly not designed for what you're using it for. You're probably going to hurt in the morning and wouldn't you rather be up front anyway?

Rex's Bitchpoint 4: The transmission. Mein Gott en Himmel, it is BAD. I drive turbo cars, right? So I'm used to a little lag between when I punch the throttle and when I get some response. But this is awful. I put it to the floor and....wait. The car shifts, up maybe 500rpm. "Is this good?" it asks. NO DAMMIT MY FOOT IS FUCKING BURIED I AM GOING TO BE FLATTENED BY THIS FUCKING TRACTOR TRAILER GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE and it shifts again after another 2 seconds "Is this better?" yes fucking finally we have some horsepower in this bitch. It was really bad. Spongy pedal, zero transmission response, it was just godawful. I hunted all over that car for a "sport mode" for the trans and came up empty. What's worse is that there was no detectable difference between "D" and "3" for this purpose. They were both fucking terrible. ATTN JEFF: THIS IS WHY I HATE AUTOMATICS, OK?

Bitchpoint 5: The Bitchening. The fuel economy sucked. 21mpg, and to be honest I drove it pretty gently. With that bullshit fuelmiser trans I at least expected in the mid 20's.

Positive points:

#1: No fuel cap! I loved this! Fucking awesome. No fuel cap to lose, or to not tighten, or any bullshit like that. +1
#2: Sync was pretty cool. I synced my phone with the radio, and the only issue I had was every time I got in the car Mrs. Bitchface said "Sync has connected to your phone, and is alerting you that 911 assist is not active." YES I KNOW BECAUSE THIS IS A RENTAL CAR YOU DUMB CUNT, ALSO YOU HAVE TOLD ME 20 TIMES. Other than that it was cool. A little tough to use without a proper display, but whatever. As a radio it was perfectly adequate, and the fact I could stream pandora through it was a welcome bonus.
#3: The engine made a good noise, and decent horsepower once the transmission let it breathe. With a manual trans, I could maybe have hated it a lot less.
#4: Style. I really like the way they look.
#5: Handling. Despite it being a ponderous titan of a car, it took the onramps like a champ, with just a hint of understeer. Bravo. Handling wise it felt like a much smaller car than in other respects.

So. Dear Ford Motor Company,

Please make a Ford Falcon based on this chassis, with four doors and proper windows that you can see out of. Make sure it has an option for an automatic transmission, and for the love of fuck, please make the thing a little shorter. I still won't buy it, but I will at least sing its praises.

Love,

Rex

edit: 1 last thing. You know I was searching for a "sport mode" for the transmission? Well I discovered a button on the side of the shifter. "Thank Buddha!" I exclaimed. "We're fucking saved from this godawful trans programming!"

Turns out, it was a hill descent assist. :evileye:

[ScottyB]

LOL. tip of the hat good sir. agreed - S197's are more of a big cruiser these days than a pony car. doesn't mean they can't hustle, but they're luurrge.

[Apoc]

The best part was egress terminals.

[Jeff]

Nice! The first Charger I get with the new 8-speed auto...you and I will meet, drive, and discuss. It is supposed to be the second coming of Christ.

[WRXtranceformed]

So well played.

[Jewels]

What he didn't mention, was that because it was so enormous and had terrible blind spots. He had to drive everywhere, as I couldn't see to drive out of it. I am short, but I have never sat in something that made me feel like a munchkin so bad.

[Goodspeed]

[SlimKlim]

Rex, please write a book. It doesn't matter what it's about, it'll hit the best seller's list in a week.