Work vs. life

[Beej]

I feel like this forum has touched on the topic in tons of threads, but has never really hit it head on.

Professional vs. personal life. I don't necessarily mean how to handle certain relationships, but how to handle the balance of life. Even though this is a small and pretty young group, I think it's a pretty incredible resource when it comes to life experience.

So I suppose I'm at a point in life where many of you gentlemen have already been, or are currently going through. My professional life is headed one direction - up and towards more and more responsibility, while my personal life is also coming to a metaphorical peak that I figure I'll reach in 5 or so years in my 30's. In terms of personal enjoyment, my private life obviously offers more right now; however, my professional life offers more down the line. Where's the balance?

I see far too much of people stretching themselves too thin at work. Leaving out morons (save for maybe Category 1), and to split the poor bastards into a few categories (though I'm sure MM will at least triple the category count):
Category 1- The genuine overachiever. He/she clearly leaves work only to put in more hours from home. Boss pities the person, but eats up the productivity.
Category 2- Eight hours and out. Self explanatory. Boss hates it.
Category 3- The salesman (selling of self). Works eight hours and almost feigns productivity with fancy dialogue to pretend that work is more important than it really is to he/she. Boss devours it.

I'm at a point where I admire people that are good at what they do, but limit how much they work out of respect for their personal time. This is the (Category 4?) category that I want to fall into. I hate bullshitting and sales enough that I couldn't ever be 3. Maybe it's since I've moved into the city and maybe it's because I'm selfish and maybe it's because I'm going through an early-life crisis, but I don't want to commit my life to work - I don't want to marry it. Don't get me wrong; come crunch time, I put in the hours and get shit done. But I see people work consistent 50+ (which I acknowledge isn't a lot) weeks and I want nothing to do with it. Whether it be errands or happy hours or simply relaxing...my time is worth far more than putting in extra salaried hours.

I'm 26. Am I justifying laziness by categorizing it as selfishness? Where do your priorities lie?

I mean, Fucking Right Now is the time to put in ridiculous hours to advance your career; however, Fucking Right Now is also the time to relish what is left of your youth, as well.

Thoughts?

[Sijray21]

IÔÇÖve been having this internal debate with myself for quite a while now. ItÔÇÖs really weird how IÔÇÖve come to this conclusion, but I really think that earning enough to be happy with your life is the most important part. Some think that earning the most at a young age is great and that you can retire at a nice age, but is working for retirement really worth living for? IMO, no. You have the ability to control this and I realized it when I started telling my boss that I couldn't work some of the extra hours that he wanted me to. I take my time when I need it and even if my boss wants me to work a lot of hours, I have to tell him no sometimes. I still put in hard work and finish my deliverables, but I find myself limiting the scope of my work for my own mental health.

If you're working 50-60 hours a week and you're not getting compensated for it (via overtime, comp time, or bonuses of some sort) then you're not really earning your salary, you're earning about 20-30% less. I'm happy to say that if I work more than 40 my company does compensate me for that.

I completely agree with you on the not having work become your life, but almost every day IÔÇÖm finding my mood change. Some days I love what IÔÇÖm doing and IÔÇÖm glad for the income and others I feel like I want to go back to school for another career. I've started thinking about it more on my days off and when I have a clearer mind and IÔÇÖve come to the conclusion that I need to resign from my job and find something else that can work for me. My situation is a little different than most, but I travel for my job. I know a few of you do this and have done this. This is what's really taking a toll on my personal life. I have to cram in everything that I need and want to do at home in the 3-2 days that I have available.

IÔÇÖm 24(almost 25) and I want to have fun in my youth. IÔÇÖm also very thankful that my jobs have given me the opportunity to earn enough to have fun so far. However IÔÇÖm learning that this is definitely not the lifestyle I want in the long-run.

The main reason why IÔÇÖm having a tough time accepting my own view is that I feel my position is skewed. I'm in a fairly decent (not fantastic) financial position with minimal overhead. I think that if the situation were reversed then I would look at my job in a different light, so IÔÇÖm also trying to find a balance. I understand the importance of keeping a job and advancing within the industry/market, but sometimes I just want to quit and go on an adventure for the hell of it. The only thing I donÔÇÖt want to do is make a career ending decision because of the emotion IÔÇÖm having toward the job at the moment. I've only come to one conclusion: I want to work locally and I don't mind putting in a long week or two, as long as it's not consistent (read: 2 weeks for every 3 months or something around there).

The thing I hate the most about my work is the threat of every weekend being taken away by a boss that asks me to stay and work at my job location or a vacation that IÔÇÖve planned for a while having to be adjusted because of what happens in the work place.

ps - I took a short break to read your post and write this. IÔÇÖm still at work and its 11:02pm CST. Ok...back to work now...

[Evan]

I went from a consulting firm where I regularly worked 60 hour weeks (and a few in the 90s) where I "put in my time" and learned a ton (and didnt get paid as much as I should have)

Now I have a great, relaxed and relatively cushy job where I put in 8 a day (including lunch...) and get paid way more than I deserve to do it. Its not perfect (no job ever is) but Im not leaving for a long time.
Most of the other consultants at my company are like Jason and are in a new city every week, working weekends etc. Fuck that shit.

Some people's hobby and life is their job. Not me. I dont hate my job, and I derive satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from it, but my personal life is more important. My personal life does occasionally overlap, as Im a geek at heart and sometimes (not nearly as much as I used to) spend time doing personal programming projects and study stuff just because I think its cool.

[Mike]

I work so I can live. I plan on putting 40 in each week. Sometimes that'll bump to 50 to get the job done, sometimes it'll drop to 36 if the job is done. Basically, I do just enough to be recognized as a valuable employee... One that'll get the job done when it needs to be done. The other guy on my team WAS [he has since had a mental breakdown and is about to be fired/leave] one of those 70 hour week guys, answering every e-mail that comes through, spending hours on each bug he finds, but he couldn't hit a date if his life depended on it. He has 0 personal life. You know who gets better reviews? Michael. Work smarter, not harder. It's his first job... he'll hopefully get it sooon.

I don't love my job, I'm paid very well, and my quality of living is excellent (no commute, can work from home, flexible hours, can buy just about anything I want).

I think it comes down to what you want.

Do you want more money? Change companies.
Do you want to set yourself up to move higher? Be a superstar [and maybe change companies].

Basically, in these small software places, there is little to no room to move up and 5-10% raises only get you so high so fast...

My priorities right now (in order):
1. Commute (I went from 200 miles a week to 10 by bike. That comes out to ~10 FULL DAYS saved per year. What do you think of that, Deersty? What's an f'ing day worth to you?)
2. Salary / Benefits (I'm still in a building phase. Once I have a bit of an egg, this may drop lower)
3. Actual job
4. The people

[Apoc]

Welcome to the quarter-life crisis. I think it's something every working professional with half a brain goes through.

I'm in Category 4. I barely work 40 hours a week but my boss doesn't care because I'm "great at it" (her words) and exceed expectations. That's part of the reason why I'm still working for AOL after everyone has seemingly moved on to companies that have a future. I like what I do, I don't have to work 50+ hours a week and I get paid a fairly ridiculous sum of money considering I come and go as I please and wear shorts to work.

I quickly realized that I didn't want to spend my life with coworkers and just wanted to make enough money to do the things I enjoy in life. FWIW, I recognize not everyone has the option to do this and that I'm lucky. I went through several jobs before I found it and I'm hesitant to give up a good thing. I can do what I want (in life) and I while I have a sense of commitment, I don't feel like my my job is my whole world.

[ScottyB]

Mike took my words, i was about to say that i "work to live, not live to work."

i suppose i'm a #2 kind of guy. i make a good effort at work, do my tasks, i'm helpful and friendly, etc etc. but work for me is always just a way to pay for what i do at home, period. of course i'm going to pursue the best way to enjoy that time i have to spend doing the things i need to do to earn that pleasure but i'm not out to become a slave to my job. i earn enough to be happy -- that's all i care.

my boss and i, as well as the rest of my coworkers have a good relationship and i pay my respect to them by getting their requests done right and quickly. however there is a point at which busting your ass will not make the train move faster. i've found my equilibrium and plan to stay where i am for a good while.

don't feel bad about wanting to enjoy your younger years rather than push up the career ladder. you have your whole life to work....and even then, don't get fooled into thinking your future will 100% deliver what you plan and work for. things will change...enjoy what you know you have now while being aware of where you'd like to be down the line.


edit: this is not to say that if i did have my dream job (racing cars :lol: ) i wouldn't happily spend more hours a week doing that, but personal time is still priority.

[HAULN-SS]

I am a super-star 40 hours a week, and no more. Unless they are paying for it, which they do sometimes. If they don't, I clock out. Being good at what you do is the best way to move up, not putting in more hours. Granted I haven't been working as long as some of you, but I have moved up relatively quickly in 2 years, and I am making significantly more money than I was when I started. I have also worked into a slight niche market, and have the ability to jump ship at just about any time, which my boss knows. He's had 5 job reqs out for jobs similar to mine for months, and hasn't had any hits yet.

1. Commute (I went from 200 miles a week to 10 by bike. That comes out to ~10 FULL DAYS saved per year. What do you think of that, Deersty? What's an f'ing day worth to you?)

I own a house, and get an hour a day to wind down after work. What's that worth to me? I dunno...about 4.5% appreciation a year probably.

[WRXtranceformed]

Pretty much what everyone else has said so far, I work to live not live to work. I've quickly become jaded on corporate life and it doesn't take a genius to see that big corporations really don't care about you as an individual, whether you like to be in denial about it or not. I've seen some of the absolutely hardest working, most loyal corporate managers get demoted and / or let go without a blink of the eye.

Because of this I try to work hard and really put myself into the work I do. That's just how I've always been. I also never take anything for granted. After putting so many hours in for my first job out of college and probably taking years off the end of my life with stress, I'm at the point where I work as hard as is necessary and no more unless there's some kind of compensation for it (monetary or otherwise).

[Dave]

It is a really hard juggle, especially for people our age. As we get older, our priorities will change and you have to adjust. Of course, everybody reacts differently to these pressures but you obviously have to look at it as to how it will eventually affect you.

In my case, I bought a house 6 months ago at age 25; a huge accomplishment in my opinion. I'm in a strong, stable relationship and I take that into consideration in all that I do. I enjoy my work and I can still pursue my passion in cars. That said, I still have a yearning for more, despite finding a good balance in everything.

I've already got two bachelors degrees, but when I started college I wanted to be a dentist and I still have that dream. I was burned out after 6 years and didn't have the drive any more, but I'm starting to believe that the rewards for the extra work will be worth it and I'm going to start looking into my options. I only fear that I won't be able to support the schooling along with my responsibilies (mortgage, bills, etc.)

My passion for cars is as strong as ever, but lately I have found that I haven't been able to do as much with it as I would like. Part of this is monetary, the other part is time. I don't have the money to move forward with some of the projects I'd like to do, but that is a result of my own choices which I feel to have been better for the long run. I typically only do work on cars during the weekend, unless I need to get it done ASAP. I dream of getting back on track, and I could easily do it in my commuter, but the risks don't outweight rewards to me at this point. So, I will continue with the slow progress until I redefine my needs and/or have more money to spend on it.

As for my job, I feel that I'm in a better position than most. I average an 8:30a-6p workday, with a 45 minute commute at most. This means I'm not at home as much as I would like, but I don't think it's horrible either. I have the option to work from home, which is great, but I find myself to be far less productive than I would be in the office and I also do not like the idea of bringing my workplace into my home; I almost always leave it at the door when I leave the office. My boss is fantastic and is extremely flexible. He knows that I bust my ass to make him look good and he compensates me accordingly through bonuses and putting my name out there when the work looks good to his superiors. Likewise, I have never seen him throw an employee under the bus and when a director comes down on him for something that happened, he takes the fall rather than pointing fingers. We respect each other tremendously and are good friends as a result; I have no problem telling him I can't do something b/c he knows that I'm probably overloaded as it is and he understands that. I enjoy my work b/c the group of people I work with are a good bunch and it is extremely rare to have conflict. I won't say I'm passionate about my job, but I enjoy it and feel that my company provides a massive service to the business world that is unparalleled. Sometimes I think I'm underpaid for what I do for the company, but considering the benefits and what I have here, I don't find it to be bad enough to consider looking elsewhere.

There are a ton of hobbies and things that I want to do, but I have started to categorize them based on whether I can do them later in life or whether I can do them now. I do not waste money nearly as much as I used to and have become even more analytical and selective in what I do so that I can maximize my "investment" in life. One thing I have found is that there is never enough money to do everything you want to do, so prioritizing and making the most of it is what counts. I know I make considerably less than virtually everyone that is my age in Northern VA, but I'm OK with that. :-)

I'd classify myself as Type #1.5 Works more than is necessary in an effort to get ahead, but doesn't devote his life to his job.