There's fluid all over my....

[Evan]

Your first clue -

Dealer cars are trade ins and auction junk. I bought exactly one car from a dealer, went over it pretty thoroughly before I bought it, and it turned out to be a colossal piece of shit.

not really, the dealers send the junk to the auctions, not the other way around. (used car lots are another story)

your car turned out to be a colossal piece of shit because it was a saturn...