Rental Car Ruckus 2: Electric Boogaloo

[ScottyB]

Nissan has thrown a lot of decent nameplates into the abyss and one of those tragedies is the Sentra.

this was 1990.  Sentra meant light, tossable, affordable, and the SE-R got a 7000rpm SR20, an LSD, and 4 discs.  the pleb-spec versions were honest and decently built.  they were good enough they finally stopped making this exact car only 2 YEARS AGO in Mexico.


and now, in 2019, this is the fat, lifeless, middle management transportation capsule it has evolved into after a string of increasingly depressing attempts to produce a mediocre cheap car.  shown here in Xanax White


i've been forced to drive this for 4 days.  it is worse to drive, unquestionably, than the PT Cruiser i had to rent 10 years ago.  its utter contempt for emotion, feeling, and innovation gave me a genuinely interesting perspective on what its like to experience a machine that was born out of so many board room meetings somewhere in the cubicle labyrinth of Nissan Corporate™ where Account Managers and Marketing Experts get together in cold, harshly lit presentation rooms, in their bland slacks and blouses and sit hunched over stale coffee to discuss in quiet voices, how to sell more cars to Hertz.

here in 2019 we are presented with a car that comes with 124hp, a CVT power transferring device of some kind (with P, R, N, D, and even L), rear drum brakes, and some kind of unusable dashboard infotainment unit whose screen looks like the same matte plastic one on an Etch-A-Sketch. 

i'm certain a very large team of people put considerable hours into creating this vehicle.  all that time drafting the shape of every part.  days upon days with armies of people building and testing and modeling in CAD.  the inventory management.  parts supplier deals.  crash tests, regulations, shipping logistics, dealer allotments.  its all pointless.  this car is invisible.  when the last one rolls off the line it'll get a balloon tied to it and then everyone will forget it existed.  i've already forgotten what it looks like.  i only remember the cherry B.O. air freshener smell.   

anyway, so here is how it drives.  you don't drive it.  you simply operate it.  there is no emotion, at least from the car...you are simply left to either die trying to figure out the infotainment screen or you simply sit quietly to yourself, looking deadpan out the front windscreen left only to the tumbling features of random thoughts scattering through your mind as you lifelessly, almost soundlessly move yourself onward to some place.  wondering how you got here, in this seat.  trying not to touch all the cold, hard plastic.  where is the volume, you wonder, as you hunt for a way to inject any pleasing sound into your life (the cabin is surprisingly quiet when the engine isn't thrashing).  none of the buttons are legible.  nothing makes sense.  the Casio Keyboard gloss black trim snipes sharp beams of sunlight directly into your corneas.

then the time comes to accelerate.  you are constantly on a sickening rubber band.  the CVT attempts to mask the utterly unacceptable lack of power the engine makes by sending the tach soaring to 5000 RPM, and holding it there, until you're ready to let off but at this point the car is catapulting forward on a freewheel and you have to hit the brakes to keep from going 10, 15mph past your mark.  then attempt to get back up to speed again when you brake too much.  again the CVT sails the tach upward and you ride another surge amongst a cacophony of grating, industrial barf coming from under the hood.  it sounds like its in pain. to add to this insulting thrust, Nissan had its head up its ass when it decided to add fake "shift" detents to the CVT operation. it pretends to slip its way through 5 fake gears. almost impossible to predict how to accelerate when its constantly lurching and hunting instead of just picking an RPM and staying there.

i am sad now.  this car makes me full of sad.  i drive it and wonder, what would it take to cause someone to pay money for this, and if they did, what must their life be like if this is an acceptable way to spend their time?  their precious life, the only one given to us, spent in the seat of this depressing container that cannot hold a speed and seeks only, ever, to find a lower RPM, always trying to be not there, in the background, trying not to exist.  its like the engine is trying to hide, so it can simply disappear, with whatever hapless dignity remains.

the steering cannot hold a line.  i think the rack, or subframe is moving on its bushings.  there is no on-center feel.  there is no strong return to center.  it is a rudder, or perhaps more of an adjusting hoop to help you simply not crash.  

i took it down a local windy dirt road twice.  surprisingly easy to rotate.  i liked the suspension travel.  it won't let me ebrake pull it in a turn without sounding an alarm but it was fun to know that was probably the wildest thing this car will ever do.  

i return it tomorrow.  i feel like i learned some things.  i'm hoping to forget most of it.