WTB: Fast 4 Door

[SlimKlim]

I have no intentions of “refurbishing” jack or shit. Suspension / wheels / interior will stay as purchased.

First of all, you're going to burn through all four window regulators in the first week and cut your hands to shreds trying to replace them. You probably think you don't need windows, but that assumes you can get them closed when the regulator fails, which you cannot, so if you want to keep the weather out of it, your ass is tearing them apart. 

The ABS module is positioned above the passenger side exhaust header. This will fail. A new unit is thousands of dollars so you'll have to take it out of the car and send it out to be rebuilt for a few hundred dollars which will fix it until the heat from the headers melts it again. 

You can't just "not replace" suspension items on these things when they start to go. They aren't like a camry that drives the same except a bit more comfortable when all the suspension is blown. When the bushings start to wear out, even slightly, it will shimmy and wander down the highway like crazy. When the rear bushings start to go you'll ruin your rear tires pretty quickly. 

Oil does everything it can to no longer be inside an M62. The valve cover gaskets leak constantly, the rear main seals tend to blow out, and it uses an external oil filter housing that the lines/gaskets for enjoy leaking. 

The PO may have dropped in a radiator and cooling hoses, i'd be more surprised if they replaced the valley pan, which are notorious for leaking coolant down the right rear side of the motor and it's a fucking bear to get in there and replace it. If it's made it this far it probably has an upgraded water pump, if not, you'll want to replace it ASAP because the OEM ones are known to grenade.

These aren't necessarily problems that you'll have to fix, but just general complains: The cupholders are a total joke, that's a common complaint for older BMWs but E39s take the cake. The pixels on the display under the gauges will eventually go out to the point that it's unreadable. The glovebox will either decide not to open one day, or just fall off entirely. They couldn't get a rack & pinion AND a V8 in these things, so the 540i got a reduction box, which sucks.

That's just what I can remember off the top of my head between owning one and working at the shop. And when these problems start to rear their heads, remember that you're doing all of this for a car that makes 282hp, weighs 3,800lbs, and realistically returns about 11mpg.

Since I'm pretty sure you were the one that pulled me aside during a Turducken and basically begged me not to buy a MKV because you had such a bad experience with a Rabbit, I'm telling you, as a friend, from personal experience, thinking you can go and buy a $5k, high mileage 540i, fart around in it for a while and sell it without incurring any major costs is shit-on-the-walls-crazy.