2013 Passat TDI dumb things

[BLINGMW]

We bought this Passat TDI 6spd a few months ago. Fairly stripped down model is pretty fancy to us. We both really enjoy driving it and it gets 52 MPG. Which is good, because Jess puts ~24K miles / yr on a car. This won't be a project thread, but maybe a "watch this guy embarrass himself trying to figure out this dumb VW" thread.

1) Let's start with the worst oil change I've done. And that includes the Previa I had with engine under the driver's seat.
Buy filter and fancy VW 507.00 approved oil that no-one has. Thankfully it only needs 4.5 qts.
Remove plastic undertray. Because hey, why have a little hole in it so I could change the oil? Sawzall says it's gonna have one next time. 8x T25 screws seems "reasonable"... Oh, but the back is 3x T45. Yeah they need to be really super strong to hold up the plastic tray there, let me go buy one of those bits.
Ok I'm back. And I got the 32mm for the oil canister too. Should be easy peasy like BMW...

(shown here on a 2010 golf with one fewer thing blocking it)
OHH so neat! A remote, easy to access oil canister that you could have mounted anywhere in the engine bay, but let's bury it under some stuff so I have to tug at wire harnesses and loosen some other line to get it out! And of course there's no way not to get oil on that braided whatever during this, nor to have the new filter and cap go back in without a few extra minutes of massaging and praying that I'm not cross-threading the cap.
In looking at other VWs, apparently this is just the hipster place to put it. I guess I should be thankful. In 2015 they moved this canister to back under the damn car. For additional irony? And the oil drain plug is PLASTIC?@!. :lol:

2) Fuel filter. Surprisingly easy especially since I've never changed one. A very refreshing 10 minutes later and I'm done.

3) Let's rotate the tires. Weelllllll..... what are these 9 point star drive do-dads holding on the wheel? I don't have that.
Certainly it's in the trunk.
Glovebox?
Let me sleep on it.
Well that's a first. After asking the internet, I had to bust out the owner's manual to get the wheels off with this fancy heavy duty paperclip that so elegantly pulls off the wheel bolt COVERS to expose the good 'ol wheel bolts. Well those little guys aren't going back on WTF. Why. :evileye:


That's all! Hopefully it'll never have a boost leak, I cannot even follow the intake piping as it loops around and under the engine and through this neat-but-almost-handbuilt-looking air/water intercooler (#83).

Will I be able to change the air filter in less than 2 hours?
Will changing the trans oil or coolant require flipping the car over?
Tune in next time.