The WANT Thread

[SlimKlim]

^ Might as well try to make a soup sandwich. Shit is a non-starter. If they offered to help in anyway I'd be so shocked you knock me down with a feather. I AM NOT happy with her father after the wont-walk-her-down-the-aisle comment, but that's an entirely different conversation.

This thread turned in a direction I can relate.

So yeah, call me crazy, but I bought Julie a single (very small, I might add) diamond and that's the only diamond she'll ever get, period. It's a racket, it's bullshit, and I refuse to participate. Any other gemstone, fucking name it, but diamonds aren't even rare and most cuts aren't particularly striking! In fact, the only diamond purchase that got a [obama]notbad[/obama] from me was a friend of mine who had his diamond custom grown in a lab. At least then you're paying for someone's expertise for an absolutely unique stone...rather than some cartel with a stranglehold on the crystalline form of the 6th most common element in the whole goddam 'verse.

Weddings are another racket too. You want a memorable wedding? One that's meaningful and rich and a true celebration of the lifelong commitment you're making with another person? Let Uncle Rex Tell you How!

Step 1: Rent a park. Yes, an outdoor wedding. Rain is good luck, and if the people love you, they'll catcall your kiss rain or shine. And if they don't fuck 'em.

Step 2: Keep your ceremony short. Recite personal, heartfelt vows, and mean them.

Step 3: Immediately after ceremony, send your guests away to the other side of the park where there is kegs of cold beer and a hundred bottles of cold, inexpensive (but not shitty) wine. Don't tell me there's no such thing. Just get something this side of boones farm and make sure there's plenty. Food should start cooking at this point, so it'll be done and ready to serve the minute you guys get done with your pictures.

Step 4: Take your goddam pictures, and take as long as you like. Find someone who, again, cares about you to take them. Your guests, who are there because they love you, are getting shitfaced. And if they don't love you during the ceremony, they'll sure as shit love you 4 beers in. And if they still don't, fuck 'em.

Step 5: Have fun. I firmly believe that having the very first minute of your marriage be a somber, dull, stiff necked affair is going to set the tone for the rest of that institution. You're making a promise before The Almighty God or Krishna or Allah or the Cold Vastness of Space that during the rest of that tiny ephemeral spark that is our lives you'll love and laugh and labor with that other person...how do you want to spend that time? Dour and lemonfaced or laughing and singing and dancing and loving?

Spend your fucking money on people, not a ring or a building or a dress or a venue.

:lol: It's been a while since you got up on your soapbox.

Our wedding would probably be on my parent's farm so that cost would be taken care of. We'd want lots of good food, lots of good booze and good music. We'd probably also pay for shuttles to kart everyone back to their hotel afterwards, ain't nobody gonna die and fuck up the tone of my wedding day.