Rental Car Ruckus 2: Electric Boogaloo

[WRXtranceformed]

My Hate Affair with my Rental: The Story of a Man and His Grandpa Car



Starring the 2011 Caddy DTS

Ok, I mean I can't beat this car up too bad. For a rental it's pretty nice. It has the heated and cooled seat package and moonroof. That is about all I like about it though.

You can tell this car was literally made from the ground up for old people. It has front and rear radar sensors but GM's engineers, knowing its target demographic is likely audibly challenged, put a series of yellow and red warning lights RIGHT on the front of the dashboard to let you know when you're about to hit something. There are even lights at the bottom of the front bumper that swing around to the side that only light up when you're making a low speed turn...presumably so that you don't mash a curb or the toes of a soccer mom packing her bottled water and cheerios into her trunk at Costco.

I even read that the bumpers were designed to withstand more impacts than most cars. What does that say about its target market :lol:

Power: Northstar V8 is clearly detuned from the factory. The car doesn't have problems getting up to speed, but it certainly is not fast or torquey in this vehicle. I tried a smoky launch by power braking. The revs held at 1500 rpm and I was excited for a second, thinking "SWEET!! Old man launch control?!" Sadly I was greeted by just a small tire chirp even with TC off. The noise sounds cool at least. Don't get me started on fuel efficiency, what a joke.

Handling: Brakes seem great (understandable for the decreased reaction times of the elderly). The suspension is, I guess the best way I can describe it, is like driving a boat on the water. The entire car wobbles laterally as you make sharp turns. I'm sure a lot of this is the tires, but I would NOT be confident pushing this thing in a spirited drive through some twisties. The steering feedback is non-existent and the car itself is entirely unpredictable. The upside is that it makes for a great highway cruiser, but that's what it was designed for right? To ferry the Mr. and Mrs. down to the summer beach house in Boca Raton.

Interior: I'm not going to comment much on the interior as this is a mostly stripped rental, but I will say that the light adjustment and climate control are surprisingly confusing to figure out...and I'm a sharp-minded younger guy. I can't imagine being 50 years older and technologically illiterate trying to figure out how to keep my wife from having heat stroke.

Exterior: I actually in a sadistic sort of way like the exterior of this car. I mean the back end looks kinda cool.

And the front end kind of reminds me of the older Lexus LS. Maybe that's just me trying to feel less awkward while driving it. I can't even say how many people have given me odd looks both while driving and while getting out of this car.

All in all, as I get to enjoy this car through next Thursday, it has given me a marvelous glimpse into my future of country clubs and bridge tournaments.