Project: 2002 WRX Wagon -- The Gravel Express

[CaptainHenreh]

The Gravel Express has arrived.

Allow me to share some wisdom from my sketch car buying experience:

#1: Anything anyone tells you is a lie. Believe only what's written on paper, or what you see with your own eyes.
#2: Take a friend with you to look at any car. Give them a flashlight. Tell them to hate the car.
#3: After your initial inspection, let the car idle to operating temperature BEFORE your test drive. Then, go for a long test drive.
#4: If anything seems weird, ask about it, but remember #1.
#5: Never pay asking price.

So I actually put a deposit down on this car on Thursday, with the expectation I would pick it up on friday. I looked it over. It started fine, idled fine, shifted fine. Cold AC, cool sunroof. What's not to love?

Friday, I go to pick the car up. I have a friend follow me. I check under the hood. The coolant overflow tank seems REALLY full. Like, windshield wiper full full. I don't think anything of it, and I head back to Manasshole from Woodbridge. I stop and fill up with petrol at a station a block away, set the tripometer, and smile, very pleased with myself. I didn't get the world's best deal, but it's a pretty good one and I'm pleased with myself.

I drive off. Perpendicular to the sunset, cold AC in my hair.

Disaster strikes. 2 miles in.

I'd been watching my gauges like everyone should when in an unfamiliar/new car. Nothing weird showed up on my (albiet short) test drive, but I'm a cautious man at heart. I watch the temp needle reach halfway...and keep going.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck hazards on shitfuckshitfuck pull over, key in accessory, don't cook this fucking thing fuck fuck fuck!

A buddy of mine who was following me pulls in behind. I warned him what I'd do if anything was wrong, and he immediately asks if I need anything. "A gallon of water, I think. Maybe more." I let the car rest until the gauge calmed down, put on a pair of gloves, and leaaaaaaaaaaaned back to open the rad cap.

Nothing.

No hiss. No spray. NO COOLANT. What the FUCK. I unbolt the (now I understand why) full overflow tank and begin to pour into the cap. It takes it all. My friend returns with the gallon of water. It takes about half of it, all while I'm squeezing the upper hose.

Fuck fuck fuck.

"Ok Dave (not Allen) I'm gonna start it."

I start it, it slurps down some more water. I get out to find out where the leak is, when BAM


The JBWELD lets loose! A torrent of bright green coolant, like some kind of automotive arterial hemorrhage bursts forth, covering my engine bay in sweet sticky chartreuse.



I call my salesman back, in a RAGE. His manager answers."You JBWelded my radiator endtank," I spit. This kind of repair doesn't last fifteen minutes, much less fifteen miles. "What makes you think *WE* did it?" You have GOT to be kidding me. "Tell you what, I'll come get the car, and get you a new radiator." You'll give me my goddam money back you vermin! "Hey man, uh, you signed the contract. As is, no warranty, I'm going above and beyond what the letter of the law says by giving you a new rad."

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE

Cut to today, i go pick up the car. Junkyard rad. I let the thing get up to op temperature. No leaks. Sweet smell, but considering the eruption from the end cap that's no surprise. Kaan and his AAA premium follow me to Manassas. No issues. No overheating. If I can get this thing to Winchester, The Amazin' Jason will restore my confidence.

To all those "I told you so's": Fuck off, I've already heard it.