Revenge Crabs!

[WRXtranceformed]

LOL!

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How do I give away these crabs?
ItÔÇÖs easier than you think! You can give them to yourself to transmit, or even hand them off physically to the intended victim, if you like. If your ex is the sort who keeps the landing strip shorn clean, you wonÔÇÖt actually be able to give them to her, but if you can put them in her bed, they can still live off her blood regardless of hair until her new lover comes over, at which time he will catch them from her sheets and blankets. Each order ships with a detailed brochure detailing a number of the most popular methods of giving the crabs, so donÔÇÖt worry too much about it.

Can I give crabs to myself?
Of course you can! One of the easiest ways to give the crabs is by giving them to yourself in advance of that one last hookup with your despised ex. Some buyers choose to give them to themselves just so they can seem more popular sexually, which can technically be effective, though the methods and motives alike are a bit suspect at best.

Is it illegal to give crabs on purpose?
Almost certainly no, though you should always consult your own attorney, and not take our off-the-cuff suggestions as legal advice. We have a whole page dedicated to the legality of our Revenge Crabs, but it cites a bunch of reasons why itÔÇÖs probably totally legit to give your ex crabs, even on purpose, even with malicious intent. Find that page on our navigation bar, and if your question still isnÔÇÖt answered, feel free to use our contact page to drop us a line.

Can I get in trouble for giving crabs to my ex?
Depends how big she is, whether or not she owns a gun, or if sheÔÇÖs the type to sneak into your bed at night and slice you up. Ha ha. No, but seriously, no you canÔÇÖt. From the moral angle itÔÇÖs perfectly acceptable to do it, and from the legal end itÔÇÖs almost as solid, so you should be fine.

What health risks are associated with Revenge Crabs?
The risks from Revenge Crabs should be none. These are farm-raised crabs harvested in a uniquely simulated environment, fed only animal products, and the supply chain is kept entirely away from human contact from egg to hatch to shipment. The only risk you should ever face is that your girl will get back with you, and youÔÇÖll have some explaining to do.

I have head lice; can I just stuff that in my girlfriendÔÇÖs pants for the same affect?
First of all, itÔÇÖs ÔÇ£effectÔÇØ not ÔÇ£affectÔÇØ (though the difference paints a comical scenario,) but your lack of grammatical understanding is overshadowed only by your lack of biological comprehension. No you canÔÇÖt. Head lice have feet close together to grasp thin, narrow-spaced hair. Pubic crabs have legs on their sides to grasp coarse, wide-spaced hair. These are two organisms as entirely different as smart people are compared to people like you who keep asking this question, even though weÔÇÖve had the answer published since it was first asked.

Why crabs instead of something more serious?
We considered an array of typically sexual maladies during our business planning phase, but decided against them for a number of legal, practical and moral reasons. Herpes and Hepatitis leave permanent damage, and HIV remains fatal, so none of those would be acceptable in terms of our corporate mission statement. Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are all easily cured, and can be extremely funny and embarrassing, but lab tests found them too difficult to transmit without detection. Ultimately our decision came down to crabs or scabies, but since scabies can be caught a number of ways that do not involve extra-relationship sex, we felt there was no choice left but crabs.

Can I give crabs to friends, family, enemies or others who arenÔÇÖt my ex?
Of course you can! ThereÔÇÖs little thatÔÇÖs more comical as a practical joke than infesting your grandmother, who may have been celibate these thirty years since pappy died, with pubic crabs. What we do is breed a hearty line of pubic crabs. What you do with them is up to you, and is surely as varied in use as our patrons are in personality. If youÔÇÖve got a purpose for them, weÔÇÖve got crabs to fill that order.

What is the return policy?
If youÔÇÖre honestly asking what our policy is as it pertains to mailing live pubic crabs back to us so you can get your money back, sadly the answer is that you canÔÇÖt, and not because youÔÇÖre not a good person, but because youÔÇÖre delusional. Why would we want your crabs back? Odds are theyÔÇÖre dead, or worse, theyÔÇÖre still alive. If you need a refund or replacement shipment please contact our customer care department by email, but donÔÇÖt mail us crabs. WeÔÇÖre not your ex and we donÔÇÖt deserve that, no matter what condition they are in. Gross dude, seriously.

I think I got crabs because of your site, what should I do?
You should start by thanking your lucky stars our site isnt called Revenge AIDS, and then go make amends with your ex who actually gave them to you, because were just a supplier, we dont actually give crabs to any but our purchasing customers. Beyond that, if you want information about the whos, wheres, and whats, you can get rid of your crabs and then seduce somebody in our office. We have very strict data control protocols, but as much as we like to put our bros before our hoes, them hoes got that one thing we need, so were pretty susceptible to the ways of the fairer sex especially a crazy like you who already has a track record of putting up with dudes who are totally beneath you. Feel free to use the contact form to solicit us, but be explicit because we get a lot of these things.

I have crabs, not from this site, but IÔÇÖm distressed, what should I do?
Im no psychiatrist, but Id say you should be a kind host, treat them well, scratch them as little as you can, and hire a tutor to teach them to read. Its the only humane option. Or you could be a butcher and deforest your actionable area, then lay down the napalm in the form of Lindane shampoo (1%) and wash every article of clothing, plus all of your bedding, and you should do so with a delousing agent as well then again, thats just me, so take my sailors salty advice with a grain of salt.