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Lost After Graduation - Tyler.M - 07-02-2015
So, folks. Anyone else feel a little like, omgwtf am I doing after graduation? I've crossed the two year barrier now and I still have no definite idea or plan of what I'm doing. Hell, I even moved back in with my parents over the summer just because I could save some cash for some future project/move that may or may not happen. I'm starting to discover that I'm actually a lot lazier then I gave myself credit for in college and this self-awareness has kinda sorta made me wonder how long I've been lazy. Am I lazy because I don't have a goal, like I did all during college (getting a degree)? Which leads to this question, "Am I lazy because I don't have any identifiable goals that I can commit to?". If my answer is yes, then I suppose I need to find myself a goal.
The idea of having kids and getting married is icky to me still, at 25 years old. I envy you folks that can make that decision at this age and decide to pursue that path with maturity. I don't think I've matured enough yet. The revulsion meter hits redline when I think about pursuing a middle-management job at my current company in my current field. Similar to staying in Harrisonburg for like, any longer. I've been lucky in that I've found a job with a liberal arts degree that allows me a modicum of financial stability but I feel strongly like that's not really enough. A masters is in my future but not for a while. Starting and owning a small business, too, yet not until I'm a little bit older.
This year, I'm attempting to do things that I've always said I wanted to do but never have. I'm continuing that trend but after I'm done with my list, I'm not sure what my next step is. No one can answer that question for me, but I'm interested in what motivated fellow alumni after they graduated and also wondering if you have any lessons, things you learned to share. I know this shit is sappy, but I know I could always use some helpful advice every now and again and maybe some other recent grads could, too. A lot of you guys have gone off and done some pretty cool stuff.
So TL
R: Wise alumni, what motivated you in the years following graduation and if you found "your purpose", how did you come to it?
Re: Lost After Graduation - V1GiLaNtE - 07-02-2015
TL
R Still don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life.Extended version:
Still don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life. All I know is the person I'm currently sharing it with supports my jeep addiction, the outdoors and likes eating great food with me. That's probably the happiest part I enjoy about my life.
I think the problem is social media makes everyone feel like shit about their lives. Facebook, Instagram, twitter, all of it is just everyone's highlight real in life without any mentioning of everything shitty or terrible about their lives. People buying nice cars or taking fabulous vacations without mentioning their up to their eyeballs in consumer and credit card debt trying to keep up with Joneses.
My advice, stop worry about everyone else's shit and just do you. Shit man, you're just graduating and in the grand scheme of life and the working world that's a tiny ass proportion of everything. Trying living more in the present and instead worrying about what could be or what has happen.
You've owned like 3/4 motorcycles at this point and I still haven't gotten somewhere where I can even own 1. I'm mad jealous about that. There's always two sides to the coin.
Re: Lost After Graduation - Mike - 07-02-2015
There's no rush to grow up. Do what makes you smile, both professionally and personally and the details will fall into place.
Re: Lost After Graduation - SlimKlim - 07-02-2015
Turning 25 soon and I have fuck-all clue what I want to do when I grow up, less of an idea than I did when I was still in college. However I'm the type of person that just can't sit in neutral because what I'm doing right now isn't my favorite thing. My job isn't very exciting, I live on the corporate cubicle treadmill, I doubt I'll ever make crazy good money at this company but it's ok because I probably couldn't handle being a lifer here.
I know a few things. I know I don't want kids, that's an easy one. I know I hate NOVA and I have to get out before I go crazy. I know I'd like to find a way to have a successful career in the car industry, but I don't know what that could be because I don't want to fix or sell cars for someone else. I know I want to own a home in a relatively rural area.
I don't know how I'm going to achieve any of those wants, there is no five year plan in action. All I'm doing is going to work, getting paid, and trying to save money (while still enjoying life) so I'm ready for whatever comes my way.
What was your major? I feel somewhere like NOVA is a necessary evil for most college grads. It sucks balls to live somewhere with astronomical living expenses and what sometimes feels like 24/7 gridlock, but on the other side of the coin you're going to struggle to get any work experience that's worth a damn in Bumfuck, VA. That's the exact reason I didn't move home after college.
Re: Lost After Graduation - Goodspeed - 07-02-2015
Some people grow up knowing they want to be "X" when they're an adult, and they pursue that path through college and see it through. Kudos to them, but I know personally some who realized the grass wasn't green when they got there - and some others who are very happy. I personally just didn't have that foresight, and there isn't anything wrong with that - I liked a lot of things growing up and expressed certain talents but never said to myself "self, I want to be a "X" when I grow up!". I just knew I wanted to be not-poor and able enough to live a comfortable life. I think I am part of the majority in this regard, based on my experiences in the real-world up to this point. This meant I didn't have a road-map or any overly-definable goals, and like most 20-somethings I'm slowly but surely figuring stuff out as I go along.
I say forget about "purpose". You're 25, you're still growing into adulthood. We all grew up under the guise of our parent's (and their generation's) experiences which, IMO, didn't exactly relate to our own - hence why I think a lot of people our age sometimes feel like we're behind our parents accomplishments, when they were our age. It's a different time and the old rules no longer apply. I'm a different person at 27 now, then I was at 25, and certainly more so again at 23 and so on.
Does that help?
Re: Lost After Graduation - RawrImAMonster - 07-02-2015
Still have no idea what I'm doing with life. Computer/software development related jobs are alright and they pay well and I mostly don't really do anything, but who the fuck wants to set in an office all of their lives?
Part of the reason I'm moving to Richmond soon is because I feel like I've done nothing with my life in the last 4 years since graduation. It's just time to do something else.
Ultimate goal at the moment is to eventually own enough rental property that I don't really have to have a real job to make ends meet.
Re: Lost After Graduation - V1GiLaNtE - 07-02-2015
I guess if I had one goal, it's working towards early retirement through financial independence.
Re: Lost After Graduation - Ken - 07-02-2015
Have to agree with the general consensus here - still don't know what I'm doing with my life.
I make good enough money - I don't love my job but it enables me to do things I DO love. Hang out with friends, the girlfriend, go out, buy stuff I want and that's enough. I've been promoted a couple times and made a big switch to the city - I guess if anything my goal is to just keep pushing forward and, to Cabell's point, work towards an early retirement through financial independence. Is it the world's most driven or noble goal? No, but I don't care.
Cabell's point also about social media is a good one too. I definitely find myself with a tinge of jealous here and there looking at some of the things people post, but by comparing yourself all you're going to do is hold yourself back. Just roll with the punches, don't do dumb shit and you'll be fine.
Re: Lost After Graduation - Jake - 07-02-2015
My goal is to do things that I enjoy. Ideally, with someone who's company I also enjoy.
Still working on the second part of that. Jury is out on kids until I find that someone and we figure out the if and the how (probably surrogate, because I totally want a little mini-me running around if it comes to that).
I don't love NoVA but it is tremendously fun living right next to DC. I figure I'm more likely to meet someone here than in a more rural setting, even though I'm not that much of a city boy. Alexandria is as close as I can tolerably get - it allows me to go out and do fun things with friends in DC, and then retreat to HOA-suburbia at night.
My first few years in the working world were spent at AOL in the editorial field. I eventually came to loathe the company and the career path, so I changed it up. Ended up at a company that is entirely generic, but working with some really great people who don't cease to make me laugh every day, and let me have a flexible schedule.
And of course, the racetrack stuff is my outlet for fun. I'll stop when I get bored or don't have fun anymore, although I think I'll stay involved in the motorsport community in some capacity for a very, very long time - maybe I stop TTing and go rallycrossing, or Jeeping, or autocrossing, or whatever. I think I've figured out that I'm at least not a huge car show guy.
I guess my takeaway is that I'm finally figuring out what I want, both in a partner and in life as a whole. But it takes a loooong time to get there and I definitely don't have a solid answer, nor do I expect one. I just have more of a clue now than I did at 21. I only moved to NoVA after college because I had a job offer here and I knew the area.
Re: Lost After Graduation - WRXtranceformed - 07-02-2015
For what it's worth, the best overall life advise I can give on finding your purpose is to serve others. This can mean a lot of different things but the core of it is to take the focus away from yourself and onto those who you can help with your time, energy, talent, finances and love. You will be amazed how quickly you learn things about yourself and about life that are much different than the noise you get fed by society on a daily basis.
That servant mentality will put you in a better place spiritually, in the business world and your finances and ultimately in your marriage when you meet someone and you are ready to take that step. And no I don't mean that last part in any way from a jaded, married husband standpoint; marriage is awesome and "works" when both the husband and wife are servants to each other, not one serving the other.
You are young with very little tying you down right now so the sky is the limit. Travel as you can, serve others, work hard but don't let that hard work get taken advantage of and keep an open mind. Explore new things and continue to develop your passions. And invest and stay out of unhealthy debt so that you have the financial freedom to explore the things you want to explore!
Edit: I think goal setting would be a good next step for you. One of my favorite quotes:
![[Image: quote-Thomas-Carlyle-a-man-without-a-goa...0688_2.png]](http://quotes.lifehack.org/media/quotes/quote-Thomas-Carlyle-a-man-without-a-goal-is-like-110688_2.png)
Re: Lost After Graduation - Tyler.M - 07-02-2015
All great advice and I'm glad I'm not alone. Lots of things to digest and awesome point on social media Cabell. I took 2 weeks off of facebook and was astounded at how it improved my mood and focus. For the longest time I wanted to do lawschool but after I did more research and talked to more lawyers, it seemed like a bad idea. I was too late to change trajectories in the college game. I guess my goals in life boil down to a few loves: Cars writing and old houses. If I could create a future around these three things, I'd be happy
Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk
Re: Lost After Graduation - CaptainHenreh - 07-02-2015
Hey I got an idea.
How about you quit buying bikes and cars and selling them after 2 weeks, put on your big girl panties and grow the fuck up.
"Woe is me, I have no direction..." Wrong. You have no motivation. Because you don't have to have any. You've got a cushy setup in the town you've always lived in, two years with a lover who doesn't challenge you in any way, and literally nothing to worry about ever. No fears. No sword hanging above your head. You could live your whole life and die not 10 miles from where you stand, starting right now, and never be in an ounce of discomfort.
Fuck that noise. Sell everything you own. Buy two nice made to measure suits and some decent traveling gear. Go someplace with no safety net. Someplace that scares you. Leave the country. Go to China, go to Australia. Go to Canada, fuck it. Too scary? Hit the west coast. Go to Texas. Anywhere but here. Stick it out for a year. No "too cold" no "too hot" no "too many people" no "too few goats".
You're 25. Don't know what to do with your life. Here's a fucking clue: None of the rest of us do, either. I'm 32, my life has completely changed 3 times in the past 5 years. Just, everything I knew to be true is now totally unreliable. If you're looking for some goddam "In hoc signo vinces" written in the fucking sky you'll be waiting until you're dead.
Fucking GO. Anywhere.
Call an air force recruiter. Call a corporate headhunter. Go learn to weld and fuckin work on the keystone pipeline. I don't actually give a shit but for once in your life sieze the agency Your Creator granted you and be your own fuckin' man.
Re: Lost After Graduation - WRXtranceformed - 07-02-2015
^^ That sounded straight out of Fight Club!! Awesome haha
Re: Lost After Graduation - CaptainHenreh - 07-02-2015
WRXtranceformed Wrote:^^ That sounded straight out of Fight Club!! Awesome haha
You are not your silver GTO. You are not your 919. Love your life or fucking change it.
Re: Lost After Graduation - Jewels - 07-02-2015
CaptainHenreh Wrote:Hey I got an idea.
How about you quit buying bikes and cars and selling them after 2 weeks, put on your big girl panties and grow the fuck up.
"Woe is me, I have no direction..." Wrong. You have no motivation. Because you don't have to have any. You've got a cushy setup in the town you've always lived in, two years with a lover who doesn't challenge you in any way, and literally nothing to worry about ever. No fears. No sword hanging above your head. You could live your whole life and die not 10 miles from where you stand, starting right now, and never be in an ounce of discomfort.
Fuck that noise. Sell everything you own. Buy two nice made to measure suits and some decent traveling gear. Go someplace with no safety net. Someplace that scares you. Leave the country. Go to China, go to Australia. Go to Canada, fuck it. Too scary? Hit the west coast. Go to Texas. Anywhere but here. Stick it out for a year. No "too cold" no "too hot" no "too many people" no "too few goats".
You're 25. Don't know what to do with your life. Here's a fucking clue: None of the rest of us do, either. I'm 32, my life has completely changed 3 times in the past 5 years. Just, everything I knew to be true is now totally unreliable. If you're looking for some goddam "In hoc signo vinces" written in the fucking sky you'll be waiting until you're dead.
Fucking GO. Anywhere.
Call an air force recruiter. Call a corporate headhunter. Go learn to weld and fuckin work on the keystone pipeline. I don't actually give a shit but for once in your life sieze the agency Your Creator granted you and be your own fuckin' man.
This will be the best advice you never take. And its honestly the best advice for anybody.
Re: Lost After Graduation - V1GiLaNtE - 07-02-2015
I will start a /r/RexAdvice
Re: Lost After Graduation - Evan - 07-02-2015
It would sound great in a buzzfeed article or an inspirational poster.
Going someplace else just for the sake of being someplace else makes you aimless and unmotivated in a different zip code and with higher consequence of failure.
At the end of it, youre back where you started,older, poorer and still dont know what you want to do. The answer is not in your surroundings, it is in you. Sorry if thats not as fuzzy-warm-feeling quote worthy.
Re: Lost After Graduation - Ken - 07-02-2015
Evan Wrote:It would sound great in a buzzfeed article or an inspirational poster.
Going someplace else just for the sake of being someplace else makes you aimless and unmotivated in a different zip code and with higher consequence of failure.
At the end of it, youre back where you started,older, poorer and still dont know what you want to do. The answer is not in your surroundings, it is in you. Sorry if thats not as fuzzy-warm-feeling quote worthy.
Uhh.. yeah. This.
Re: Lost After Graduation - HAULN-SS - 07-02-2015
CaptainHenreh Wrote:Call an air force recruiter.
I don't agree with going somewhere just to go somewhere. Have a friend doing that, and he's still lost as fuck. He actually has a CS degree from JMU which theoretically should be a good degree to have and still can't seem to get out of a rut.
Re: air force..my one regret, I think, is being too old before it hit me I would've loved to go into flight school in some part of the military.
Re: Lost After Graduation - CaptainHenreh - 07-02-2015
Gonna disagree with Evan a little, not that he doesn't have a point but with a change in scenery comes a change in perspective. I think especially for Tyler this would be helpful, as I said, he has no danger, no need he can't fulfill here, and he is happy to walk among the slack jawed dim eyed millennial rank and file.
All of this is academic, of course. If Tyler were capable of making the internal change to move somewhere else, it's likely he wouldn't have this issue in the first place. And he's already completed his quarterly mm forum check-in, so he won't be back for 12 weeks or so, when he will talk about the 919 being too much power for him and how the token promotion at his job has staved off his malaise for the time.